He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
not ubering you a puppy
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
