Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
