anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
