It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
