anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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