she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
