is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
