I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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