you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
