Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
