ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
