she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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