Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The power of my boobs compel you
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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