Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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