Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
