I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
