WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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