...so i touched it.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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