dude i'm inner monologue high
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
