yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
