I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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