hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
