It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
