i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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