So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
