So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
