It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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