I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
