see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
