My Higher Power is John Stamos
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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