Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
