ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Blood and glitter go together right?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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