i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
