Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
