is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
