a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
