My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
