Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
