so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
