STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
