I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
