shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
