she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I want to have your abortion
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
