dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
