I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
