I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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