as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
