Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
