Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
