the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
